Bonjour and welcome to the top 10 things that a single person does not want to hear. We know you mean well but we like to celebrate and wallow with fellow singletons, and we do not need our personal Jezza Kyle trying to spread the word of wisdom.
‘Your soulmate is out there somewhere’
Where is this allusive soulmate? Japan? Australia? Liverpool? This is the most vague and annoying thing to tell someone. There are 196 countries in which the ‘soulmate’ could currently be chilling in, how is this meant to be reassuring?
‘You need to put yourself out there’
This one is stupid as what do you even do to put yourself out there? Is it going out with a light up for sale sign on your chest, or is it swiping through tinder at 2am losing the will to live? Either way unless you have a handbook on ‘putting yourself out there’ don’t suggest it!
‘You’ll find someone when you least expect it/stop looking’
Now this is usually said before or after the ‘putting yourself out there’ comment, which is confusing because how are you meant to put yourself out there but at the same time not be looking for anything? The two comments are like chalk and cheese when put together, yet people say both anyways assuming it will give you that lightbulb romcom moment.
‘Some people don’t meet the one until like 40!’
Awh so I only have 20 more years of failed relationships and dating weirdos? Such a relief! That is the worst thing to tell a single person because as much as you think it gives hope, you’re basically saying that until the baby clock stops ticking and you’re limited to age appropriate divorcees, you will be forever alone…
‘Hurry up, your looks won’t last forever’
Again this is usually a combo with the whole some people are single till 40. At least I know the divorcee who picks me up at 40 will love me for my wrinkly face and winning personality!
‘Maybe you swing the other way?’
No just no. Never ever everrrrr suggest this to someone. This is typically exclusive to the family members wondering why your plus one is always a female friend or a gay guy friend, but no excuse family members! Unless cousin Jade has come out the closet, just don’t question why she’s alone at 36 because she doesn’t want to hear it
‘Perhaps you’re not the settling down type…’
…and perhaps i didn’t want your opinion. How do you know what type of person I am or whether my long term plan involves kids or a job which takes me around the globe? This is usually said by the numpty who settles too young and gets divorced by 45
‘Maybe you should date someone who’s not your type/lower your standards’
See one of my previous blog posts on ‘picky being a luxury’. I don’t want to settle for a guy that i’m not crazy for in the hopes that i will grow to love him. This isn’t pride and prejudice and we are not all Charlotte Lucas. We should hold out for the Darcy’s and Bingley’s and not settle for the insufferable Mr Collins
‘Have you tried *insert awful dating site/dating fad*’
No explanation needed for this, just understand that no I will not speed date strangers and take it seriously
‘So I know this real sweet guy…’
Unless he looks like brad pitt and smells like a rainbow, I will not blind date your second cousin with the foot fetish and it doesn’t matter how nice or tall he is!!
So there we have it. 10 things single people are tired of hearing. Just let us be the wonderful creatures that we are and love us through our questionable adventures!