A couple of situations have occurred in the past couple of months that have left me thinking ‘REALLY’ towards the male species. In 2022, I am still explaining consent and having to justify saying ‘NO’. It is ridiculous and I’m guessing some people still need it explained in an easy ABC way so let’s give it a go.
- My outfit or appearance is not an excuse to touch or grab me without my permission.
- If I say no or I am not interested, it does not mean keep trying until I ‘give in’. It’s a N-O.
- If I am too drunk to move my body properly or open my eyes, don’t fuck me.
- Do not grab me by the arm to get my attention like I am a toy.
- Don’t tell me your sexual harassment is a compliment, it’s an insult.
- Do not force me to date you, when I have told you repeatedly I do not want to.
- Do not question my personal preferences because you aren’t it.
- Just because you like or fancy someone does not mean they should want you
- You are not entitled based on time or money spent on being with someone.
- I do not owe it to you to go on a date because that’s what you want.
Consent is not rocket science, it is not confusing or a secret. For some men I meet to still not understand the idea and make excuses is not good enough. Talking to female friends of mine and realizing that we just expect and shrug off being sexually assaulted or harassed on a night out. We talk and moan about it like it’s part of life and a norm. Because it is for us and it shouldn’t be.
For those who need visual aids, I have inserted a couple of cartoons on consent and just how easy it can be to respect someone else’s boundaries.
TEA IS LIKE CONSENT
You aren’t entitled to shit my dear
Earlier this week I was walking down the road, earphones in minding my own damn biz, when there were 4 men walking towards me. One decided to break slightly away from the other three and shout ‘Yo can I chat to you for a minute’ in my face. Usually I would attempt to salvage a lil of the mans dignity by pretending the music in my earphones is too loud to hear him and ignore it completely. However, this particular day I was hot, bothered and quite frankly knew I owed him nothing of the sort. So I looked him in the eye and ‘No thanks’. He then continued with ‘You from around here?’, I repeated ‘No’. Then he blocks my path and again says ‘Yo I just want to chat to you innit’. This time I added a head shake with my ‘No’ and walked around him to continue on. Then he shouted ‘Yo What the Fuck man’ and let me be. This situation is sooooo common to women and I was pissed that it took not one, not two but three no’s before I was allowed to walk on. Additionally, the way he shouted WTF at me was as though because he decided he wanted to talk that was all that mattered and he didn’t even consider that I would reject him. That time was a happy ending. He accepted defeat at the third No, we were all sober, it was broad daylight and I left safe. Not every time is so lucky.
Women need to educated men, not victim blame.
Men and Women are spiked on nights out all of the time. It has happened to me and it has happened to friends and the one thing that appals me more than a man defending the abuser, is the women who blame other women for their trauma.
Things women say include:
- Maybe if you weren’t so nice and kind…
- You should’ve watched your drink harder
- Well you did have a revealing top/dress…
- What do you expect staying out until…
The person who decided consent didn’t matter or that spiking was a good idea, they are the bad guy. We need to stop looking at ways in which people can ‘prevent being raped’ and instead come harder down on rapists and educate teens before rape culture is too ingrained into their identities.